The book acknowledges that life is a series of transitions whether it is in personal, job, marriage, dreams or physical challenges. A transition involves specific steps that take us from the ending of something, through a period of limbo, to a new beginning.

Bridges refers to the three stages of transition as the ending, the neutral zone and the new beginning.

Each portion of the transition has movements that to understand is to help one know where in the process one might be. When I looked back over the changes vocation of my career I saw a pattern of detachment, a time of limbo, and then a recommitment or attachment to something new. I discovered that an emptiness or void usually occurred as a prelude to a new beginning. This gray area between the old and the new is area of letting go of the past and realigning ourselves to new dreams and goals.

The Neutral Zone is a normal part of human life, disorienting and painful, confusing and frustrating, but necessary for our personal growth.

Bridges noted that frequently we fail “to discover our need for an ending until we have made most of our necessary external changes.”

We get to the new house or new relationship, waking up to find that we have not let go of our old ties. Or we find that maybe the old thing was somehow right for us and the new thing is wrong.

One of the book’s greatest lessons is the necessity of

letting go and saying goodbye

to some part of ourselves or our lives in order for anything new to happen to us, or for real change to occur. Often, we hold onto the past for dear life, refusing to let go of an old self image, a career or dream we no longer love, or a person we no longer want to be with, just because of our dread fear of the unknown future.

Only by learning how to end things can we really learn how to begin things.

This Twenty-fifth Anniversary Edition updated and expanded will impact your daily life. Perhaps the outline of the book will encourage you to pick up the book.

• Part one is about The Need for Change. The chapters are: Being in Transition, A lifetime of Transitions, Relationships and Transition, and Transitions in Work Life.
• Part two discusses The Transition Process Itself. The chapters are: Endings, The Neutral Zone, and You Finish with a New Beginning.

Author William Bridges presents us with a powerful plan for understanding the many stages of life a human being is destined to go through, how these changes lead us into new experiences, and how to cope with the endings that are inevitable before we can have these new experiences. With tools and techniques outlined in this book, transitions don’t have to be scary and tentative; rather can be something to anticipate with excitement.

One constant about life is that it will change. This book will help you get ready for it.

What new begininng are you not starting because you are afraid to let go and say goodbye?

Review by Gerard Howell

Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

“We do not have to wait until we are old to become wise.

We can discover these secrets at any age and the sooner we discover them,

the more fulfilling our lives will be.” – John Izzo, Ph.D.

 I just read a great book that should be read by everyone of any age. 

What makes life worth living? How can we live in a meaningful and joyous way?

Do we need to fear death?

Dr. John Izzo addresses these questions in his latest very readable book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die (2007 Berrett- Koehler Publishing, Inc). Izzo found that the two things humans want most are to find joy and contentment (happiness), while living a full life with meaning.  After interviewing 200 persons between the ages of 60-106 from every sphere of the work-world, race and religion, he discovered five inspiring secrets that provide a good blueprint or road-map to use for our journey toward finding happiness and purpose.  The following is a brief synopsis of each secret:

1.Be True to Yourself. Follow your heart and your dreams, not the dreams someone else has for you. This may mean making a radical change in your life, or simply making small adjustments. Continually examine your life is to make sure you are following your own true path. This is largely a western value, linked to the Greek philosopher Socrates, who said: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  One way to do this is to look more carefully at what you call a “good day” and a “bad day.”  If you are having more “bad days” than “good days” you may not be true to yourself.  One can agree that if one doesn’t engage in self-reflection one will likely live another’s life of one’s own. 

2.Leave No Regrets. Although all of the people whom Izzo interviewed had some regrets, people who had the fewest were the happiest. Izzo found the purpose-filled women and men interviewed were proud they’d taken risks. “People regret what they did not do, even more than what they did.”  A common theme is that people were less regretful about failed risks that they were about the failure to risk more. At the age of 68 I resonate with that insight, though I am so far from some of those events where I failed to act that I wonder if I have forgotten the circumstances that created the hesitation.

The greatest fear expressed was not the fear of death, but the fear of dying with regrets about life.  What about the conversation you intended to have with your parents before they become infirmed or died?  Are there conversations that you, the parent, need to have with a child? 

3.Become Love. Love not primarily being a feeling, but a choice. Being kind is something you can choose even in hard situations. However, the more you focus on acting with love, the more you will find happiness, says Izzo. This begins with choosing to love one’s self and breaking away from thoughts that are self-defeating and self-critical.

Make loving relationships a priority in your life.  Am I spreading love and kindness in the world of my inter-actions?

4.Live the Moment.Living the moment means living your life now rather than simply planning it. “We must always live in the present moment, the only moment in which we have any power,” writes Izzo. One woman said, “You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead live each day fully and stay in the moment.” 

Rather than focus on the past or the future, Izzo says, “… experience each moment with gratitude and purpose.” Several wise elders revealed how they start each day with a prayer of gratitude for the opportunity to live that day, and end the day with thanks and appreciation for the day’s experiences.

Do I anticipate with a sense of joy what I will be doing today?  For what am I grateful at this moment?

5.Give More Than You Take. Even while our society prods us to strive for worldly “security” through wealth, power and fame, Izzo’s seniors reminded him that people really do get a deeper sense of meaning by feeling they’ve made a difference. Izzo indicates, “When I asked people what gave their life the greatest meaning, people told me again and again people that being of service and knowing that you made things better because you were here was by far the greatest source of meaning.”

You have the power to give freely.  People long to make a contribution. Giving connects people to something larger than themselves – whether it’s a Supreme Being or the entire human experience on journey.

Is the world a better place this week because of my contribution?  What kind or generous act have I taken today?   

Izzo says there is a great deal of difference in knowing and going.  When you know you have to go – you have to put the five secrets into practice daily.

I strongly recommend this book for reading.  I read it on a plane flight and spent much of the night thinking about how to put these secrets into action.

 What Secret speaks most to you and what actions do you plan to take to implement that secret?

Gerard Howell

This is not my usually blog entry but I was so moved by the story that I just had to share. Tim has been a friend of mine for many years now and to hear his story breaks my heart, yet at the same time it offers so much hope to people during the economic recession we are in. It is so important to follow your dreams. I hope this speaks encouragement to your soul. Enjoy!

“I’m really incredibly lucky to be doing what I do but it took about 7 years of wandering in the wilderness to get me to where I am today.  Spent 20 yrs in computer sales until 9/11, then everything fell apart.  In one year my income fell to about 1/4 of what it was.  I couldn’t find a job where I was making anywhere near the money I was and we were draining every avenue of savings, 401k, savings bonds, etc. you could think of.  Finally we had to file chapter 7 bankruptcy.  What a hard year that was.  I went through more jobs and more self doubt in one year than I ever thought possible.  I believe Satan came to live in my head just to remind me of what a total failure I had been.  After my unemployment checks ran out I went six months with nothing.  No work, no income, dry as a bone.  This was about as low as it gets.  No one in my family even offered to help.  It was as if they were saying that somehow it was my entire fault and they were just going to let me suffer in order for me to learn a valuable life lesson.  Well, my church stepped in and some friends I didn’t even know I had offered to lend a hand.  Things started to slow down and I got a job at MPD (the old GE plant downtown).  It didn’t pay much but it was something I could count on.  Then I decided to start teaching guitar at a local music store.  I had taught years ago but stopped in order to take part in my kid’s activities.  Now that they had grown up and soccer and cheer leading were about over it was a good time to get back to teaching the instrument I had been playing for 30 years.  A year after I started the MPD job, they laid off 12 of us.  I landed a job with another computer company although I somehow knew that it wouldn’t last long.  The industry had changed and you just can’t make any money off of equipment anymore and that was how I was supposed to make a living.  Four months later, boom, I and another guy were laid off.  That’s when I said, “I’ve had it”.  A friend had given me a book called, “48 Days to the Work You Love” about 2 months earlier.  I decided it was time to read it and get to work.  It was as if every page was screaming at me to start teaching full time.  Be my own boss; call my own shots, that sort of thing.  I just didn’t believe I could make a living doing that.  Well, I got to this place in the book where it talked about your “calling”.  This was interesting because I’d been looking for that since age 16.  The book called for you to look at what you are good at, what is it that when you are doing it–time flies, what is it that you do that best helps others, what do you love to do, how are you gifted and wired?  This IS your calling!  As much as Satan lived in my head before and told me I was a failure, God was speaking directly to my mindsaying, “Hey, Tim this is what I created you to do, so get to it”.  I literally said, “God, if this is you telling me what I need to do then it has to be successful so I’m going to give it a try”.  I just started my 2nd year of doing nothing but teaching guitar.  I’ve put to use all my years of sales and marketing and last year I made more than double what I made in any one year for the last 6 years. I went from 11 students in Jan of 2008 to 45 in May of 2008.  For the last year I have maintained an average of 40 students.  Because I’m able to teach all my students in under 30hrs a week, I have some free time on my hands.  In July of 2009 my wife was laid off from her job of 22yrs.  While this was devastating emotionally, the company did provide a severance package which enabled us to pay off most of our debt.  About a month or two prior to her being laid off, I was presented with the opportunity of buying an online business called Guitar Goods.  This business had been up and going for 4.5yrs and had fared pretty well for the part time endeavor given by its owner.  Because Guitar Goods sold a wide variety of guitar accessories, it seemed like a perfect fit for a guitar instructor with time on his hands.  In November of 2009 I, along with a partner with whom I had been associated with musically for 30yrs, purchased Guitar Goods.  While we’ve only had the reins of this small business for about 2 months, things are going well.  We have a preferred dealership with Amazon and we are looking into opening an eBay store as well as developing a presence on Windows Live.  We have a long way to go and my wife is still looking for full time work with health insurance benefits but, for the first time in the 26yrs we’ve been married, neither of us are working for someone else.  The sky’s the limit.” Tim Hicks

If you could do anything and not fail what would it be? What talents and dreams have you swept under the rug that could offer you a potentially life changing opportunity? Love to hear from you.

If you find yourself having more of the later than the former you might want to rethink your planning strategy.

That is of-course, assuming you have a strategy in the first place.

“A goal can not be met that is not put in place. There is no direction in which to face.

You can only succeed if you have a plan. So carefully consider and put it to hand.” Anita Ryan

As the above quote states, you must first have a plan that is carefully considered and then put it in writing.

But what do you write? What does a well thought out goal look like?

First thing you need to do is to choose a goal area. Once you have chosen an area you want to work on, write it down. Follow these next seven steps to identify the goal and make it measureable and personal.

• Identify you Goal- Make it specific and measurable. It must be something that you can identify when you meet the goal. It is also important to make it attainable and realistic. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting a goal that you know you can’t meet. That is counter-productive.
• Benefits and Loses- What are the benefits of achieving the goal? What are the loses if you don’t meet it? Make it personal.
• Possible Obstacles and Solutions- Is there something or someone that might stand in the way of you meeting your goal? If so what are some solutions that you can set in place to avoid or deal with those obstacles. Be creative and open with yourself about obstacles that might hinder you from meeting your target.
• Skills and Knowledge- Are there skills that you don’t currently possess that will ultimately determine success or failure? What knowledge would be helpful in reaching your goal? Look into computer classes, coaching, training and continuing education courses that will help you reach your goals.
• People, Groups and Organizations- Is there someone that has already achieved the goal you are attempting? Is it possible for them or someone else to mentor you in the area you want to grow in? What groups or organizations teach the skills or knowledge that you would find useful? Maybe you would benefit from being in a networking group, or a professional group to accomplish your goal. Be specific about the names of people, groups and organizations and write them down.
• Specific Action Steps and Time Table- Be specific and break it down. How do you  plan on meeting your objective? What is a specific target date for accomplishing an important step to your goal? When you accomplish a part of a goal, write down the completion date so you stay on track. The dates will help you evaluate in real time where you are. They make it measurable. They are a way of helping you steer and get back on course when needed.
• Completion Date- When do you plan on accomplishing the total Goal? Why that time frame? Make sure it is realistic.

It is also important to write down any thoughts, dreams or other notes that you might want to refer back to. This helps you to understand what you were thinking when you were in the process of considering your goals.

BIG goals or small goals, it is important to think about where you are going and how you are going to get there.

Make a Plan of Action Today!

Set Goals that Deliver the Results you Desire.

 GOAL PLANNING WORKSHEET

Marketing your Business

• Keystone Marketing  www.wearekeystone.com
• Kothea Blog link
  blog.kothea.com/2009/10/05/6-things-that-interior-designers-do-wrong-on-their-web-sites/#comment-155
• Richard Woodward www.richardwoodward.com